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They are around us.
Everywhere. Once they were smart and young.
Everybody would watch them and trust in them like you can trust a pioneer or a man with a vision.
Those were the times when the web appeared in the world and those who were able to master the first rudiments of the new art were like kings.
They were holding the keys to a new world and brands and companies were standing in line to be sure to take advantage of their knowledge.
But then something happened.
The knowledge spread like a virus and younger minds hit the market.
A website was not enough. Banners were not enough.
Hell, knowing about TCP/IP, servers and DBs was not enough!!
All they knew now was only tools.
What in the beginning seemed to be the revenge of the geeks turned out to be their next slavery.
Chained to their own attitudes and skills they were unable to adapt to the new life and trends.
Their shattered dreams weighted too much on their shoulder and eventually killed their humanity and turned them into zombies.
Their human to human interaction is zero. They move around agencies and clients always sad, always complaining, always tired.
Bureaucracy has become their idol. They stick to the rules pretending to be useful.
They lost the vision and hang tight to their chairs.
Don’t be afraid though, they can’t hurt you.
Unless you don’t get close at least.
They can walk sure, but they can’t certainly run.
So keep your eyes wide open and learn to spot them in your company or meetings.
And remember to keep as far as possible from them.
Wondering if there are any signs to identify them?
Here are some from your beloved and trustworthy guerrilla thinkers.
#1 - DZOMBIES HATE APPLE (NOT THE FRUIT)
Digital zombies are envious. They envy good old Steve because he made it.
That’s why you will see them going around with their guru face saying everybody that the iPhone is not a revolution or that a mac will be never performing as a pc.
You will hear them explaining an audience that the most successful mobile OS is Android and that it will eventually kill the iPhone.
Of course they will never mention that the whole smartphone market was born BECAUSE OF the iPhone.
Feeling the need to be perceived as always ahead of the market, trying to go back to their glorious past and being looked at as pioneers they will always say the opposite of what the market is saying and people are making experience of.
And this leads us to the second sign for a digital zombie.
#2 - DZOMBIES DISLIKE DIGITAL TRENDS SAYING THAT THEY ARE OLD (BUT ARE UNABLE TO TELL WHAT’S NEW)
Facebook? Twitter? Pinterest?
Old stuff. Something that might end tomorrow.
Since everybody is on Facebook these days, digital zombies will snub it.
And the same can be said for any other huge digital phenomenon.
In many ways digital zombies are to the web what snob musicians/critics are to the music.
The moment anything hits the tipping point and start to become a mass phenomenon, they turn it down.
Too bad they are not able to predict the next big thing.
And when they do they always get it wrong.
Those are the one who told you that windows phones and nokia together would be a threat for the iPhone market. Can you believe it? Windows? Come on…
#3 - DZOMBIES ARE WORKAHOLICS
Digital zombies haven’t yet discovered that time for ourselves and family is the real benefit.
They like to stay at their desk late. And they love let anyone know.
They share pics of their desk at 7 a.m. in the morning and 10 p.m. in the evening on Facebook and twitter. Most of the times they comment the picture with things like “I love my job”. That is meant to be ironic. But for them it is not. They REALLY love being in the office late and early.
They hang out with co-workers and most of the times have sex with them.
Their entire social life is in the office.
But just don’t misunderstand us. It’s not that they could not do the same job at home with their laptops.
It’s just that they strive to feel useful. They started to be workaholic during the internet boom when they dreamed of becoming millionaires before they 30s.
Now, in their late 30s or 40s, they don’t have anything left.
No husbands or wives waiting at home. Sometimes they got children they will only see in the weekends.
Going back home is not a point for them. They prefer to stick to people like them.
After all we all saw this in the movies. Zombies are never alone.
When you see one be careful, others will follow right away.
# 4 - DZOMBIES DON’T WANT SMART PEOPLE AROUND
If you are passionate and smart and happen to deal with a digital zombie always keep in mind that the zombies will do their best to suck the life out of you.
Being lost in their shattered dream, they will discourage any effort to make a difference.
To them, work is an inconvenience and it is useless to give added value or to go the extra mile.
They want their boss and colleagues to think they do. But they really don’t wanna do it.
Clients do not deserve it, market does not deserve it.
They would never cease their precious secret treasures and wisdom to those pigs.
And that’s why they will tell you not to do it.
In their zombie minds, they still hold the keys to the future.
But those keys can be hand over only to some wise insiders.
If you’re too smart and willing to make big things happening, then you are NOT one of them. And they will feel it.
For them it’s a war. They are at war with ignorance.
But in the end it’s just a war against themselves.
FINAL CONSIDERATIONS ABOUT DZOMBIES
These are some of the signs that will help you spot a digital zombies.
Of course there are more like their pale face, their brown teeth, their cigarettes always stuck between their lips…
We will come soon with more of them.
In the meantime, if you happen to work for a zombie, there’s only one thing that you can do: find another job.
Good luck!